How to Get the Threesome You’ve Always Wanted (18+)

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Thanks to Internet confessions and porn, it might seem like everyone is engaging in threesomes on the weekend. You might feel like you’re a prude if you’ve never entertained the idea. In the real world, there may be some people having regular threesomes, but plenty of people only have sex with one partner.

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Threesome fantasies are common, but many women prefer to keep them just that. If you’re seriously thinking about adding a third person to your bedroom or you’re a single woman who wants some hot casual sex with two other people, we have advice for you!

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IS HAVING A THREESOME FOR YOU?
There are a number of reasons why people are turned on by the idea of a threesome if they are interested in kinkier sex (more on that here). For starters, you can get to know someone new sexually. You can try another person’s style without cheating on your lover or spouse. If you’ve never been with a woman, then a threesome might provide you with the chance. Similarly, it can be a chance to be with another man if you’ve only ever been with your partner.

There can be something particularly erotic for some people about watching their partner with another person, and a threesome allows this in a safe environment, especially if you plan it out. Furthermore, you get the experience of being watched by a third person as you enjoy sexual pleasure. If you’re a voyeur or an exhibitionist, a threesome might feed into your kink.

Finally, we’d be remiss if we forgot to mention how amazing it can be to experience stimulation from two directions at once. With just one lover, you can’t experience a tongue on your clit while kissing your man, but adding a third person to this mix can provide you with more intense pleasure than ever before, and you’ve got twice the options to be giving, too!

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Threesomes aren’t for everyone, however. Don’t force yourself to have one if you’re not into the idea, no matter how ‘sexy’ it’s supposed to be. A rocky relationship without good trust and communication is not the foundation for a threesome. A threesome won’t save a struggling relationship the same way that having a baby don’t save a marriage in dire straits.

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Similarly, having a threesome in an attempt to prevent you or your partner from cheating is a recipe for failure. You certainly shouldn’t entertain the idea if it’s a threat or an ultimatum from your partner.

Many times, women report going ahead with a threesome because it would please their partner. There’s a fine line between being game and agreeing to something that will only breed resentment and distance between you and your partner. Keeping quiet might seem like a way to keep the peace, but it might also be the exact opposite of what you should do.

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Although you might not get to have a threesome and you or your partner might be disappointed, you might also find that your partner is on the same page for you, and you can work on trust and communication until you are ready for it.

FINDING YOUR PERFECT PARTNERS
Even if you’re sure you want a threesome, you shouldn’t rush head-first into it. There are several considerations, just like there are several considerations if you are considering trying anal sex (you’ll find a great guide here and some awesome positions here)

For example, do you want to add another man or woman into your bedroom? MMF triangles include two men, as the acronym suggests, but your partner may be more comfortable with a FFM situation.

The next question is who will be part of the threesome…

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If you’re in a relationship, your partner will typically become 1/3 of the equation, but being single doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy a threesome! You’ll just have to look for two willing folks. You might become the perfect third for another couple, or none of you might be in a relationship together.

There are typically two schools of thought when it comes to inviting someone into a threesome. You can go with a friend whom you trust and are attracted to because it’s safer….Or you can opt for a stranger who you won’t have to see after the fact.

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The latter is a good option if you won’t be able to continue being friends with a person after you’ve seen them naked or made them cum (more on making a guy cum hard here)! Plus, you don’t have to talk to a stranger again if your threesome doesn’t work out so well.

Furthermore, it can be hard to tell whether a friend would be open to the idea of joining you in a threesome. If you know a friend who has expressed attraction to you and/or your partner or interest in being part of a threesome, it can make approaching the subject much easier, but you could be risking your entire friendship if someone is offended by the question.

Thanks to the Internet, finding a person or two to join in your threesome is easier than ever. You can post on Craigslist, meet people with the Tinder app or start an OkCupid or POF profile where you describe what and who it is that you want. Niche sites like FetLife and adult personals including AdultFriendFinder can also lead you to someone who might join in your threesome, enabling you to communicate and find a good match.

But remember…

just because someone is interested doesn’t mean they’re a good fit. Not only do you have to consider chemistry between yourself and another person, but you also have to consider how the other two people will get along. Plus, there’s issues of whether you’re all attracted to each other, kinks and sexual interests and even a person’s STI status can send you back to square one when looking for someone to have a threesome with.

THE BEST THREESOME POSITIONS
Hopefully by now, you’ve found the rest of your triad and you’re excited to undress.

What do you do now?

It can be overwhelming to have an extra person to think about in the bedroom, but with a little planning beforehand and knowledge about what you’ll be doing, things will become much, much easier. Let’s start with some threesome positions

Threesome positions will vary based on whether you’ve set up an MMF or an FFM threesome.

If you’re in a threesome with two men, here are some position ideas:

Double penetration – One partner penetrates you vaginally while the other penetrates you anally. You can start this with one male partner lying down on his back and you in the cowgirl position (see it here), then the other partner penetrates you from behind like in doggy style (see it demonstrated here)
Eiffel Tower – This silly name can mean serious fun. In this threesome position, you’ll be giving one partner a blow job (learn powerful tips from this video) while being penetrated by the other person. The Eiffel Tower gets its name from the way it looks from the side when you’re on all fours.
Missionary – With one man between your legs in regular missionary position (see it demonstrated here), the other can kneel by your head, where you can give oral ministrations to his cock and balls (more oral sex tips here).
Edge play – Lie down with your neck at the edge of the bed exactly like in this photo. One man penetrates you vaginally or anally, while the other positions himself so that you can provide oral.
What about threesomes with two women and one men?

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Dual ride – One of you sits on his face while the other rides his cock.
61+1 – Get into 69 position with the other woman (you can learn about it and see it demonstrated here). The man then penetrates one of you. It’s typically easier for him to take one woman in doggy position (learn more about doggy style here), but with the right tweaks, he can move into a kneeling position to have sex with the woman on the bottom.
Sail away – The man penetrates you with your legs over his shoulders. The other woman straddles you for oral sex. The man and woman can kiss if comfortable, and she can reach down to play with your nipples.
Row boat – The man lies down on his back with you straddling his face. The other woman rides him cowgirl, which keeps her hands free to wrap around you and fondle your breasts or scratch your back.
Some threesome positions work well no matter the gender. Form a circle so that each person is having their genitals licked and sucked by someone’s mouth, lips and tongue, and everyone is sure to have a mind-blowing time! It’s always fun for two parties to go down on the other, too. If one person in your threesome likes to rim, he or she can take up position behind a free rear end and get licking!

There are always variations of these positions too.

For example, your male partners may desire to stroke or suck each other, and two people in your triangle may be turned on by the idea of analingus (read the guide on anilingus here). As long as everyone is involved and feeling good, don’t worry about whether you’re in the “right” threesome position! For instance, one of you might enjoy masturbating while watching the others have sex, or you might be able to get off while fingering yourself (tips here) and making out with one partner. If someone has a free hand, mouth or genitals, take this opportunity to get to work.

SAFER SEX AND THREESOMES
Whenever you have sex with someone new, it’s important to check their STI status, and having a threesome is no exception. If everyone produces a clean bill of health, you can feel great about having sex. Using condoms can reduce risk of transmission, but STIs such as HPV that are transmitted through skin are risky no matter what.

Condoms also prevent accidental pregnancy, of course, and any women involved in the threesome may want to disclose what type of birth control they use, if any.

Finally, no finger, tongue or penis should move from an anus to a vagina or mouth. Although “ass to mouth” might be common in porn, the bacteria found in the anus is harmful to other orifices. Switching condoms between holes is a good way to reduce this.

HOW TO HAVE A THREESOME WITHOUT HURT FEELINGS
Adding another person into a dynamic, even if it’s only for temporary sexual pleasure, adds a lot more emotions.

There’s how you feel about this third person.
How your partner feels about him or her
How the two of you feel in regards toward the third person’s feelings.
One of you might have a better connection with the new person
You might be surprised by how you feel. Some people find themselves feeling jealous of insecure during or after a threesome, which throws them off their game because they were the ones you introduced the topic in the first place! Sometimes, the partner who wasn’t the one who brought up the idea of a threesome might become the one who enjoys it more.

All of these feelings are normal, and they don’t have to be detrimental to your existing relationship if you communicate them effectively. For starters, it can be helpful if you talk to your lover about the potential feelings you’ll have before the fact. Recognize that you may have negative or even positive emotions that seem outside of your control. The two of you might even talk about how you would react to the other person’s feelings.

It’s just as important to communicate during your session. If one or both of you wants to stop, you should do so immediately.

Even a pause can help you to regroup and discuss your feelings. It’s also a good idea to check in with your partner about whether or not he likes something you’re doing, and the same applies to threesomes. Whenever you get to know a new partner, the same tactic applies, and it can help you navigate the new feelings you may have during your first threesome.

One thing you should be prepared for is that your partner may want you to stop. It may come as a direct, spoken request, or you may simply notice that one of the others in your threesome seems reserved. This is a great time to check in. Sometimes the emotions can become so intense that someone experiences a panic attack or begins crying. At this point, communication and care take precedence over any benefit you might receive from a threesome.

For some couples, having a threesome can revitalize their sex lives. However, rushing into a threesome haphazardly can also ruin your relationship, lead to pregnancy or spread infections. Make sure you’re emotionally, mentally and logistically prepared, and recognize that no matter how you much might want a threesome, it might not be amazing. On the other hand, having a threesome could open up doors to new sexual world. You never know unless you try!

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